Austin Carl Eckstein was born at 40 weeks 6 days he was born 5 pounds 9 ounces and 18 and 3/4 inches long. Such a small baby for baking for so long but he was so precious. I barely remember his cries because it was a c section and for some reason my body always goes into shock so extra drugs were given to me during this period of time. I remember though they brought him to the NICU because he had ate his own poop while in there so of course they had to check him out. I thought how perfect this birth was going to be. My dream was to do a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-Section) which never did happen. Another emergency c section since my body hadn't progressed again. I wonder how mom's had children when their body didn't do what it was suppose to since our bodies are meant to bare children and give birth. Why didn't mine?
I hadn't been able to see him right away because of people coming to visit and I was so tired. I remember when I was about to go visit him my friends would come and than I would be so tired. I would sleep. C sections always take a lot out of you! Finally, I was able to go see him and he was so precious. He was still in an incubator but he looked so perfect. The next day I went to visit him first thing in the morning. It was early I do remember that. They seen me washing my hands and the doctor started to approach his area. I was smiling so hard since I was going to see him but he wasn't smiling. The doctor didn't look happy at all.
'Ms. Dent. We need to have a talk..'
The words started to repeat in my head. I knew something was wrong. He looked perfect, why did they do this, what happened when I wasn't there. Why couldn't I protect my baby.
'Early this morning your little boy had what we think is seizures..'
Seizures? When I thought of seizures I always thought about those adults whose body was shaking so hard. Biting their tongue. Their eyes rolling into the back of their head. All the 'stereo types' for all the seizures that you see on tv and are pictured in videos.
'We are going to transport him to Nationwide Children's Hospital we just wanted to tell you before we were able to. We are not equipped here to be able to handle a child with seizures and make sure that he is diagnosed correctly.'
I started to cry. I couldn't handle this. I wasn't strong enough to see my child go through this. Why did god do this to me? Why me? What did I ever do. Why didn't I have the birth experience that I wanted. Why was that taken away from me as well? But now my baby is sick. My poor precious little boy. My head was racing I started to walk towards my room to go to call my husband and tell him what was going on. My mom was taking Justin (my 21 month old at the time) and Alex was going to drop him off soon to her. I tried to walk the halls without crying, trying to be strong, but I wasn't.
A few nurses and nursing assistants seen me crying and started to try to help me into the room. They knew what was going on but weren't able to tell me but they were prepared for a grieving mother. They held me and allowed me to cry. I cried so hard I didn't know what to think. I finally got calmed enough and called my husband to tell him what was going on. We were still in our newlywed time and we were so blissful and this happened. My husband started to cry on the phone he felt as helpless as me. We had been having problems with stress levels and the problems I was having at the end of my pregnancy. He knew how much I wanted a natural child birth. He called my mom and I called my dad to tell him what was going on.
He told me everything would be OK and I didn't believe it. I never believed when my dad said things could be OK because I didn't think it was realistic. So that day my doctor told me I could go home but how could I go home when I could barely walk. I needed one more day and he kind of looked at me weird. I blame him for some of this to this day.
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